my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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