I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize