Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
