So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
