My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
