He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
