Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
