hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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