Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
