I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
