This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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