am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
