I'm drive I can fine osifer
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
