Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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