we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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