The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
