I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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