Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
