my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
