I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Your penis caused this!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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