Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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