The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
