Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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