Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
