my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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