I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
