all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
