3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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