We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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