you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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