Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
