while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Couch. On fire.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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