you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
