do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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