I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize