Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
