mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
