Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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