My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize