these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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