Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
