i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
