I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
