Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
