He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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