I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
