I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
