i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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