hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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