my mouth tastes like poor choices
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
