he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
