Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
