I cockslap morals
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Houston, we have a squirter
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
