I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
