remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
