Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
