It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize