clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
