They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
