I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
