I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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