I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
