Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
