Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
