The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
