Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My pussy is not your playground.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize