it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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