apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
