So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
