I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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