my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
