Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
