I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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