she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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