what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
