i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
